All this time

If you read my last post then you know I talked about change, and how change was coming for my family. Well I'm excited to say that this morning, approximately one hour ago, I put my two weeks notice in at my job. In case you're wondering, yes I'm sitting here at my desk (at work) blogging. I have lots of downtime & our office is very quiet, so I spend lots of time reading blogs and putting my own thoughts together when I don't have work to be done. I'm actually gonna miss this in a way, considering my mornings will soon consist of a tiny person needing my undivided attention at all times. I've decided that I'll be doing my blogging before she wakes up in the morning, or after my family is in bed at night. I'm a sucker for routines so you better believe I'll get one down asap!

OK, so leading up to today... I've been filled with nerves since I knew I was resigning today. Mostly because in doing so, its no longer something we are just talking about. We're actually doing it. I've spend a lot of time in prayer these past few days and I have felt so close to the Lord. Like He's right here beside me through all this. Of course He always is beside us, but you know those times when you can really, really feel Him? This is how I've felt over the last few days. I long for this feeling to stay. 

I think God has a way of allowing certain memories to surface when I face something, as a way to remind me of His provision and faithfulness. One of these memories is March 9th 2012, exactly 3 years ago today. Why I remember dates so well, I have no idea. But for some reason I remember this date because my then-boyfriend and I broke up. And it was bad. I'm talking- I thought I was gonna marry this guy and then my world was over, bad. So I guess you could say it was memorable because I had to pick up the pieces and get on with life. I wanted so bad to be married even as young as 20. I never wanted to date around, I just wanted to find the guy, and get married. I didn't think about much more after that. More on this in a future post... ;)

So flash forward 3 months later, and what do you know... I met my future husband. We date, get married, have a baby, and live happily ever after! I wish it was that simple, but we have faced our share of challenges in the almost 3 years we have been married. The reason I brought up the old boyfriend, is because when I realized today is March 9th, I thought back to 3 years ago and how I felt when it seemed my whole world collapsing around me.  Funny how the older you get you realize how insignificant some things were back then. But 3 years ago, those feelings of uncertainty and fear of the future were in fact my reality. Oddly enough, here I am on March 9th yet again with those same feelings, only different circumstances. I remember a song I listened to frequently when going through the breakup mess was "All this time" by Britt Nicole. I want to post the lyrics so you have an idea of what the message of the song is:

I remember the moment, I remember the pain
I was only a girl, but I grew up that day
Tears were falling
I know You saw me

Hiding there in my bedroom, so alone
I was doing my best, trying to be strong
No one to turn to
That's when I met You

All this time, from the first tear cried
'Till today's sunrise
And every single moment between
You were there, You were always there
It was You and I
You've been walking with me all this time

Ever since that day, it's been clear to me
That no matter what comes, You will never leave
I know You're for me
And You're restoring

Every heartache and failure, every broken dream
You're the God who sees, the God who rescued me
This is my story
This is my story


I hear these people asking me
How do I know what I believe
Well, I'm not the same me, and that's all the proof I need
I felt love, I felt Your grace
You stole my heart that day

I clung to this song during that time because it gave me hope that one day I'd be able to look back on what I was going through, and be able to say I got through it. And sure enough, that's exactly what happened. Not only did I get through it, but just 3 short months later God gave me the husband my heart so badly desired. This week that song & it's lyrics have been on my mind and still gives me the same hope it did a couple years ago. Even when the future is uncertain we can rest in the knowledge that He cares for us. His work in us is only beginning, and He is faithful to complete it.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.- Isaiah 41:10