All this time

If you read my last post then you know I talked about change, and how change was coming for my family. Well I'm excited to say that this morning, approximately one hour ago, I put my two weeks notice in at my job. In case you're wondering, yes I'm sitting here at my desk (at work) blogging. I have lots of downtime & our office is very quiet, so I spend lots of time reading blogs and putting my own thoughts together when I don't have work to be done. I'm actually gonna miss this in a way, considering my mornings will soon consist of a tiny person needing my undivided attention at all times. I've decided that I'll be doing my blogging before she wakes up in the morning, or after my family is in bed at night. I'm a sucker for routines so you better believe I'll get one down asap!

OK, so leading up to today... I've been filled with nerves since I knew I was resigning today. Mostly because in doing so, its no longer something we are just talking about. We're actually doing it. I've spend a lot of time in prayer these past few days and I have felt so close to the Lord. Like He's right here beside me through all this. Of course He always is beside us, but you know those times when you can really, really feel Him? This is how I've felt over the last few days. I long for this feeling to stay. 

I think God has a way of allowing certain memories to surface when I face something, as a way to remind me of His provision and faithfulness. One of these memories is March 9th 2012, exactly 3 years ago today. Why I remember dates so well, I have no idea. But for some reason I remember this date because my then-boyfriend and I broke up. And it was bad. I'm talking- I thought I was gonna marry this guy and then my world was over, bad. So I guess you could say it was memorable because I had to pick up the pieces and get on with life. I wanted so bad to be married even as young as 20. I never wanted to date around, I just wanted to find the guy, and get married. I didn't think about much more after that. More on this in a future post... ;)

So flash forward 3 months later, and what do you know... I met my future husband. We date, get married, have a baby, and live happily ever after! I wish it was that simple, but we have faced our share of challenges in the almost 3 years we have been married. The reason I brought up the old boyfriend, is because when I realized today is March 9th, I thought back to 3 years ago and how I felt when it seemed my whole world collapsing around me.  Funny how the older you get you realize how insignificant some things were back then. But 3 years ago, those feelings of uncertainty and fear of the future were in fact my reality. Oddly enough, here I am on March 9th yet again with those same feelings, only different circumstances. I remember a song I listened to frequently when going through the breakup mess was "All this time" by Britt Nicole. I want to post the lyrics so you have an idea of what the message of the song is:

I remember the moment, I remember the pain
I was only a girl, but I grew up that day
Tears were falling
I know You saw me

Hiding there in my bedroom, so alone
I was doing my best, trying to be strong
No one to turn to
That's when I met You

All this time, from the first tear cried
'Till today's sunrise
And every single moment between
You were there, You were always there
It was You and I
You've been walking with me all this time

Ever since that day, it's been clear to me
That no matter what comes, You will never leave
I know You're for me
And You're restoring

Every heartache and failure, every broken dream
You're the God who sees, the God who rescued me
This is my story
This is my story


I hear these people asking me
How do I know what I believe
Well, I'm not the same me, and that's all the proof I need
I felt love, I felt Your grace
You stole my heart that day

I clung to this song during that time because it gave me hope that one day I'd be able to look back on what I was going through, and be able to say I got through it. And sure enough, that's exactly what happened. Not only did I get through it, but just 3 short months later God gave me the husband my heart so badly desired. This week that song & it's lyrics have been on my mind and still gives me the same hope it did a couple years ago. Even when the future is uncertain we can rest in the knowledge that He cares for us. His work in us is only beginning, and He is faithful to complete it.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.- Isaiah 41:10

When change is coming

If you're human and lived any amount of time in this world, one thing you can be sure of is this: change. 

Just when we seem to get used to something, it is practically guaranteed to change at some point in time. I think if we're being honest with ourselves, we will admit that change can be scary.

In fact, I can go as far as saying i hate change. I like being comfortable. I like knowing what to expect and I like living in my little bubble thank you very much. So as you can imagine, I don't always handle change so great.

Right now, change is approaching my family. It's not here just yet, but it's coming. For the past 2 years since my daughter was born, I've contributed to my family's income by working. For the first year and a half, I worked part time in the evenings allowing me to stay home with her during the day (which worked out very well for awhile) but as a result, never got to spend much time with my husband. When the time came that we decided for me to pursue a day job, I remember being terrified. I would remind myself of the benefit I'd be gaining by having my family together in the evenings, and seeing my husband more than 1.5 hours a night. However, when I made the switch and began working a day job, suddenly I experienced an overwhelming desire like nothing I've ever felt, to be a stay at home mom. I guess it wasn't ever something I had considered seriously for financial reasons. When I started sharing these thoughts with my husband, we thought there was just no way it could work. As the weeks went on, and the feeling in my heart grew stronger, we started to talk about it again. Long story short, we came to the decision that we were going to make it work. Somehow. 

I still can't sit here and say i know how it's going to work, because I don't. But within the next 3 or 4 weeks, I am going to be quitting my full time decent paying job, to become a stay at home mom. If there's ever been a time that I've experienced scary change, it's now. 

Now, there are some things (and the purpose of this post) I have learned in the last 2 months leading up to this choice we are making. 

1) This is not a surprise to God

2) He will not bring us this far to abandon us

3) He will provide

It's amazing how you discover faith you didn't even know you had when you face a trial. In our case, making the decision to live on one income has tested us in ways we hadn't been tested before. I find myself often thinking of all the "what ifs" and "how will this work out..." and most of the time I end up realizing that it's not up to me to decide those things. I believe I am listening to the Holy Spirit 's desire placed in my heart, and if that is so, then He will provide a way. 

Just before beginning this post I read a blog about surrendering to Gods plan & one line I read said "God calls us to hard places to prove our inadequacy."How else would He be able to prove who He is if He did not allow us to fall?  Another excerpt from that blog read

"The woman I am now understands the Almighty God, my Creator, my Dad, drove me to the edge of each cliff, then let me fall. He’s never left me there, and my bones were never broken from the impact"

Maybe if we keep our eyes focused on who our sustainer is and not the change that is ahead and sure to come, then we'll find that it isn't so scary after all.

Why Grace?

Hello blogging world! 

Welcome to Then comes grace. I have wanted to start a blog for quite some time now, so I'm pretty excited to finally dive in! You may be wondering why I chose the name "Then comes grace." Check out these definitions I found on grace via dictionary.com

1. the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God. 
2. the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them

Those two definitions I found happen to be my favorite. This blog is a composition of my thoughts, life, family, and home. All of us are on some kind of journey, and most of the time we ask ourselves "Whats next?", that's where grace comes in. It's given to strengthen us, encourage us, and give us hope when we don't know what the next step will look like. Join me on my journey of motherhood, marriage, and homemaking. I'm excited to see where we will go!

Blessings,

Natalie